The Man Of Glass

Man receives multi-million dollar hospital bill for Pneumonia.

If you thought your medical bills were outrageous, just imagine how unemployed door attendant, Alexis Rodriguez, felt when he received a multi-million dollar hospital bill in the mail last week. The 28-year-old Rodriguez, a native of the Bronx, was utterly shocked when he opened a bill from the Bronx-Lebanon Hospital and saw the amount owed staring back at him. According to the letter, Rodriguez owed them more than $44 million for services rendered. “I almost had an asthma attack,” Rodriguez said of his reaction to the gargantuan invoice. Last spring the Bronx-Lebanon hospital admitted Rodriguez for treatment what he called of a serious case of pneumonia. He knew he was going to have a hefty bill for the three weeks he spent in the hospital recovering, but says he had no clue it would be this high. After the initial sticker shock wore off, Rodriguez realized something had to be wrong. He called the hospital to find out what was going on. Turns out, he wasn’t the only patient to receive an outrageous bill that day. Apparently, the hospital’s billing agency, PHY Services, had made what they considered “a MINOR mistake”. The company had accidently placed the billing reference numbers in the “amount due” area on a few hundred of the bills they sent out last week. Rodriguez did not find the mistake to be as minor as the hospital did though, “someone could have had a heart attack,” he stated. The hospital apologized for the mix-up and according to a PHY rep they are working to correct the error and send out updated invoices along with an apology letter to all affected patients immediately.

(Source: New York Daily News)

Master Car Thief, Steals car on E.

Do you remember when your driving instructor taught you always to check your gauges before heading off anywhere? Turns out it was good advice, but apparently, car thieves never got the memo. Last week in Coos Bay, Oregon, a man car jacked a young woman’s Honda Civic at a local shopping plaza. Police say he threw the woman from her car before speeding off. However, the thief didn’t get very far, as he was only able to drive about 5 minutes before having to stop and get gas, turns out the car was on empty when he stole it. Trying to avoid drawing attention to him and his stolen ride, the car thief pulled into the local gas station, calm and collected. As he was walking into the building though, local authorities went flying by hot in pursuit of the stolen vehicle. According to the station attendant the man grew agitated when he saw the cops, but had a weird look of relief on his face when they passed by. After paying cash for a tank of gas, the man returned to the stolen car, thinking he had outwitted the cops. It turns out though that the police were smarter then they looked. It appeared they had passed the station by, but in reality, they had pulled in around the back of the building and cornered the man as he filled the car. Noticing the cops, what did this genius decide to do? Why drive the car straight into a lamppost of course! After the accident, police were able to apprehend the master car thief, restoring peace and sanity to Coos Bay, Oregon again.

(Source: theworldlink.com)

I’m thinking of posting the stories/scripts I write for The Mirror on here every week. Maybe along with the clips of the show they go to (after it’s recorded.) For now though I’m just going to post the sports script I wrote for this week:

In the NFL this past week, Tebow-time finally ran out. The Denver Tebows (clear throat) I mean Bronco’s, suffered a humiliating loss to the New England Patriots. Pat’s QB Tom Brady set an NFL playoff record by throwing for six touchdowns in the absolute pummeling of the Broncos in Foxboro on Saturday. Even Tim Tebow didn’t have enough faith or will power left in the tank to slow Brady as the Patriots cruised to a 45-10 victory, and a spot in next week’s AFC Championship game against the Baltimore Ravens.

Speaking of the Ravens, they will be holding open auditions for an offense this upcoming week after an uninspiring performance on Sunday. The Baltimore Ravens, without any help from their offense, barely squeaked out a victory against the Houston Texans and their fourth string QB. Next week Ray Lewis and the rest of the Ravens defense will be taking their geriatric show to Foxboro to take on the Patriots for a chance to advance to the Superbowl.

In the NFC, the mighty Packers fell once again. Apparently, Packers QB Aaron Rogers should have spent more time preparing for the Giants defense instead of dancing his way through State Farm commercials. Giants QB Eli Manning threw for more than 300 yards and three touchdowns as he cemented his place in the current elite quarterback ranking with an impressive 37-20 victory over last year’s Superbowl champions. Manning and the New York Football Giants will head to San Francisco to face the 49ers next week for the NFC Championship.

In the best game of the weekend, and possibly the entire playoffs, the San Francisco 49ers upset the New Orleans Saints in a thrilling shoot out 36-32. After nine mediocre seasons, the 49ers returned valiantly to the NFL Playoffs, when they shut down the high-flying Drew Brees led Saints offense on Saturday at Candlestick Park. After going up 17-0 early in the second quarter, the 49ers almost blew the game when they gave up a 66-yard touchdown pass from Drew Brees to Jimmy Graham with less than 2 minutes left on the clock. Alex Smith…yes that Alex Smith, marched the Niners down the field and threw a beautiful 14-yard touchdown pass to Vernon Davis with only nine seconds left on the clock to give the 49ers the victory.  Davis ended the game with seven catches for 180 yards. The stingy 49ers D will look to continue riding their wave of success into next week as they face the Giants for a chance to play in Superbowl 46 in Indianapolis.

In the NBA this past week, the Miami Heat suffered a three game losing streak and the loss of one of their handful of star players as Dwayne Wade will miss an indefinite amount of time with an ankle injury. Kobe Bryant continued his magnificent ball-hogging streak over the weekend as he had three straight 40+-point games including 42 in a victory over the Cleveland Cavilers last Friday 97-92.  In the East, Chicago, Philadelphia and Orlando all lead their divisions. The standings out West have Oklahoma City, the LA Lakers, and San Antonio all sitting atop their perspective divisions. This Friday the Bulls will head to Cleveland to take on the Cavs in what is shaping up to be an exciting matchup. Tip-off is at 7:30 p.m.

In Men’s College Basketball this week, the rankings saw some change as the North Carolina Tar Heel’s tumbled 5 spots to number 8 after they were routed by Florida State last week. The top five has the still unbeaten Syracuse Orange at number one, followed by Kentucky, Baylor, Duke & Missouri. The Ohio State Buckeyes slipped one spot, to number six after a loss to #25 Illinois last Tuesday and an impressive avenging victory over the #13 Hoosiers on Sunday night. Ohio State will travel to Nebraska this Saturday to take on the Cornhuskers. Tip-off is at 8pm local time.

In the NHL the New York Rangers, Boston, and Washington remain on top of their divisions in the East. While Chicago, Vancouver, and San Jose top their respective divisions out West. The Columbus Blue Jackets, even after firing their coach last week, remain dead last in the standings. This weekend they head to Detroit to take on the Red Wings, let’s hope they can avoid slaughter and further embarrassment to the city. The game starts at 7pm.

The Legend and Commandments of Novembeard.

On the 11^th month of the year 1 B.R. (Before Razor) the Pagan Beard God Feasóg stated that all men shall let their facial hair run untamed. Beards, after all, were Feasóg’s gift to mankind, and so he declared November shall be the month of no shave, no trim, no cut, Novembeard!

The 11 Commandments of Novembeard

1) Thou shalt not shave, trim, wax or pluck thy beard or mustache. All other hair is still eligible to be cut and/or shaved.

2) Thou may use herbal supplements, and pagan rituals to promote the growth of your Novembeard, thou shalt refrain from the use of synthetic growth enhancers like Rogaine.

3) Let thy beard run wild. It shall be the zaniest, wildest, craziest beard possible.

4) Thou shalt comb, twist, braid or straighten thy beard, but beards should be free.

5) Thy beard must be of your own natural hair, no synthetic fake beards, or stealing of another man’s beard.

6) Previous beard growth is allowed. Don’t worry if you already had a beard going before November, the Great God of Beards does not hold previous facial hair against you.

7) Novembeard runs from November 1^st-30^th and knows no Sabbath. No taking days off for work, or calling it quits early. Were men god damn-it and we don’t quit for anything!

8) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s beard.

9) Beards that catch food or beer in them shalt not be frowned upon but praised for they are Gods way of savoring flavor for later.

10) Thou shall compliment and praise thy brothers on their beards throughout the month. We are a family of beards.

11) Novembeard shalt not include any members of the female species, it is for men only. Ladies please continue to shave, nobody likes furry lips!