Mr. Glass. I write.
The Legend and Commandments of Novembeard.
On the 11th month of the year 1 B.R. (Before Razor) the Pagan Beard God Feasóg stated that all men shall let their facial hair run untamed. Beards, after all, were Feasóg’s gift to mankind, and so he declared November shall be the month of no shave, no trim, no cut, Novembeard!
The 11 Commandments of Novembeard
1) Thou shalt not shave, trim, wax or pluck thy beard or mustache. All other hair is still eligible to be cut and/or shaved.
2) Thou may use herbal supplements, and pagan rituals to promote the growth of your Novembeard, thou shalt refrain from the use of synthetic growth enhancers like Rogaine.
3) Let thy beard run wild. It shall be the zaniest, wildest, craziest beard possible.
4) Thou shalt comb, twist, braid or straighten thy beard, but beards should be free.
5) Thy beard must be of your own natural hair, no synthetic fake beards, or stealing of another man’s beard.
6) Previous beard growth is allowed. Don’t worry if you already had a beard going before November, the Great God of Beards does not hold previous facial hair against you.
7) Novembeard runs from November 1st-30th and knows no Sabbath. No taking days off for work, or calling it quits early. Were men god damn-it and we don’t quit for anything!
8) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s beard.
9) Beards that catch food or beer in them shalt not be frowned upon but praised for they are Gods way of savoring flavor for later.
10) Thou shall compliment and praise thy brothers on their beards throughout the month. We are a family of beards.
11) Novembeard shalt not include any members of the female species, it is for men only. Ladies please continue to shave, nobody likes furry lips!
